I was raised by two very hard-working parents who taught and showed me the value of hard work.

I lived with that mindset throughout my professional career—until a few months after my son’s birth. There was that good old “fork in the road.”

I was fresh off paternity leave, and the pressure at work had intensified. Under normal circumstances, I would have overcome it head-on. I was asked to stop working from home and go into the office till I revive the failing projects.

I attempted to overcome the pressure and slowly saw some success. However, the pressure continued to pile on as I pushed on. It was like patching a sinking ship. Again, under normal circumstances, I would take it on the chin and march forward.

As the pressure kept mounting, I thought, "I have my son at home and my wife sacrificing her career to stay with him for the next few years. Is work necessary right now?" 

(The fork in the road. Do I continue with my career? Or do I put it on a short pause? I think the answer is obvious. But here is what happened.)

I felt I was in a corner. The thought rocked my belief system to the core. I thought that if you put in the hours, work hard enough, and are smart enough, and with some luck, then you will get rewarded.

I needed to do next to act on these thoughts, and it was obvious what I should do.

It was the first time in my life when I thought work was not necessary.

What does society tell us about work?

Society tells us that work is essential and encouraged. We must work to make a living to provide for ourselves and our families. In some cases, the better we do, the more we earn, and the more we earn, the more we have to provide.

To get to a certain level of success, we have to work hard and put in a crazy amount of hours. If we do these things, we are considered winners. We become dependable and valuable.

(At least, that is what I thought)

I heard all of these phrases in the past:

• Can you stay late for XYZ?

• The project is due tomorrow. Can you finish it?

• Can you come early tomorrow? to get a head start?

• Can you work extra hours this week?

• etc…

Our 8-hour workday becomes longer because we need to meet a deadline. This is acceptable, expected, and encouraged. After all, we need to work like this to earn income. Some want to get to the next level, so we want to show that nothing will stop us.

I will be there on time, if not early, and stay late as needed or voluntarily, all in the spirit of getting ahead. These things mentioned are good things we must go through to improve in our profession. However, we need to understand our limitations and create boundaries.

We need to be self-aware of when there is time for work and when that time has ended. If we are doing these things and it is not affecting our overall health, spouse, partner, or children, knock yourself out and put in the hard work.

However, there comes a time when we must take a step back and look at what is going on from a different perspective.

We can't lie to ourselves that we do this for our families or kids. The people that will be missing their mom and their dad the most will be the children. Five years from now,

• Will anyone from work care about how much time you spend at work?

• Are your co-workers going to care how much overtime you are putting in?

• Will those same co-workers be there in the next five years?

• NO...

In fact, we are all replaceable…

It is about work-life-balance

Yes, there will come a time when overtime is needed to pay the bills, rent, or pay for unexpected expenses. But there should be a limit, especially when little children are in the picture.

I had the same mindset. Work, work, work to get ahead, and it stayed with me till my son was born.

During my paternity leave, I experienced how much hard work a new parent has to endure. It was a reality slap. Nothing (annnd I mean nothing) prepares you for what is to come. But at the same time, I had this new, beautiful, innocent soul to love, protect, and help guide him through this chaotic life. By now, work was an afterthought.

Once I returned to work, I worked 9-10 hours daily. Who is winning here? Although the work was satisfying, I could no longer bear time away from my new family. I had my son's face imprinted in my mind. I understood that my son would never be this little ever again.

I wanted to experience this special time with him and my wife. These are moments in life that never return. These are the moments I would miss if I chose the hustle and bustle society deems wonderful. I want to remember my time with my son at this age. I don’t want to see pictures on my phone to reminisce at work. I want to be present in every special moment.

What did I do next?

I ensured I had the savings to afford to leave my position. It was the best thing I could have done in my life. Work was taking away the experiences we all should cherish.

My case may be extreme. I hope this is a reminder that we need to slow the fuck down and not let work get in the way of our children.

Is work so important that you miss special events like graduations, soccer games, baseball games, basketball games, track meets, and so on? I mention this because this happens. We must make time for our kids so they never remember us as the person who worked a lot. I certainly do not want to be remembered that way.

It's time to change your perspective

Despite the obvious answer, my decision to leave work was difficult. My perspective was rooted in fear that without work, we would be homeless, in danger of losing our home, or not accepted by those around us. I had to change that mindset to grow as an individual and be a present dad. Here is what I used to help me gain clarity and think from a different perspective.

• Acknowledge the mighty force of your thoughts

• Welcome change

• Shadow work (don’t worry, this is not that bad)

• Limit the digital world in your life

• Forge ahead with mini-milestones

Acknowledge the mighty force of your thoughts

Our thoughts are very powerful. They are deeply rooted in our subconscious and will shape how we move through life. Some thoughts are fear-based, and some are limiting based on society's rules or our cultural background.

Whatever the thoughts may be, please take note of them. Start reframing your thought process. Instead of "I can't do," think about "how will I do."

This simple change started the process for me to rethink work-life. Instead of saying I can't quit because of what others will think of me. This thought was out of fear. Instead, I started thinking, "How will I quit."

Once I started that new thought, I began to review all the outcomes of my quitting. Outweighing the pros and cons. I made sure my finances were enough for me to make the move. It removed the fear of lack of income, and I needed to accept that to move forward, zero income was the outcome.

I formed a new thought process, "How will I spend more time with my kid?"

Welcome change

Getting past the negative and limiting thoughts is not easy, and it will take time. The next step is facing changes that come with your new mindset. Change is difficult as we like to stay comfortable and without pain. Although challenging, we must accept all the positives from the new change.

For example, let’s say you want to get into shape. That requires putting your body through exercises that can cause muscle soreness. The soreness happens before the change or transformation can occur. That sourness will produce pain. After about a month, you can add more to your workout routine to get the same soreness level because your body has become stronger and can take on more.

The same is true for your mindset. It won't be easy at first but will become easier over time.

The change brought me more memories with my son.

Shadow work

It might sound a bit like "woo, woo." However, shadow work is a step that is not easy. It requires you to look inward and bring up repressed fears, emotions, anxieties, or depression. Bring these things out and face them. Own up to them. In other words, face your fears.

It was incredibly intimidating and scary to go against the social norm of "all work and no play." I feared to survive without an income and ensure nothing crazy happened that would drain my savings. I had to dig deep and talk myself out of it.

• What was the worst that can happen?

• Will there be any danger?

• Will I survive?

Facing your fears builds courage and gives you the confidence to move forward with a new mindset—a sense of freedom.

Limit the digital world in your life

It is a straightforward step. There are technologies out there that are huge-time consumers. Our smartphones include social media, shows/movies, and even video games. These take away from being in the moment. We should put our phones down when we are with our family or limit how much time we spend with them. How can we teach our kids to do the same if we cannot control that ourselves? Being in the moment is about creating memories with our children.

Forge ahead with mini-milestones

Spending more time with your family should be a relatively easy decision. If you don't have a plan on how to do it, then you will fail to do it. Instead of creating a big plan, start with small and obtainable goals. Write them down! Your goal or plan can be one sentence long. You can text it to yourself or make it a reminder. Then act on it. For example:

How can I spend an extra 5-10 minutes today with my family, spouse, partner, son, daughter, etc.?

Then increase as time goes on.

The wrap-up

At one point in my life, I wanted to be a person that worked hard and never let the ball drop. This has taught me that I would rather be remembered as a great dad than a dad who always worked. Remember that your kid(s) may not remember that cool gift you got them 5 or 10 years ago, but they will remember the moments you created with them.

Dad joke of the week

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere, truly out of this world.

Disclaimer
_{Always check with your partner and pediatrician before implementing any new practices involving your children. The information provided is meant for educational purposes. Please do your research, as I have provided my thoughts, experience, and perspectives on the matter at hand.}