I grew up in a generation when spanking was the way to correct bad behavior. As a child, a spanking came my way whenever I did something wrong. Was this the right thing to do? 

I once touched a hot pot. I was slapped on the hand and told never to do that again. I got hurt twice. I was so confused. 

I understood if I did something terrible, I would get a spanking. However, I could not understand why it happened when I got hurt doing something dangerous I thought to be safe. I was expecting comfort. Instead, I got backlash, followed by comfort. 

It confused me even more.

Even though a spanking did not happen often, I never understood why that happened.

Fast-forward to today—I am a parent and want to use something other than these old tactics. Although effective, I wondered about a more sensible solution. 

Let's dive deeper and explore the hidden secrets behind this intriguing quote:

We don't know this until your little one starts exercising independence. You begin to see this when they decide they don't like something. It can start with something small like food, a loud noise, a toy, or even your singing. Well, maybe not your singing, but you get the point. 

In my case, it started when my son was about 14 months old. He started throwing water, toys, soap, and almost everything he could get his hands on.

Everything ended up outside the tub. Of course, having multiple toys to play with was a bad idea. I was mostly upset because I was in awe, not knowing how to correct the situation without yelling or spanking. — What am I to do? 

The moment of truth

As this behavior continued, I would get annoyed. I did not yell at first, but the emotions kept building and building. Eventually, I became reactive and said, "STOP DOING THAT." 

As with everything, things can escalate if you don't pause and take a step back to address the situation. I realized something from my son's perspective.

Something very simple yet shocking.

It punched me in the heart! 

If I look at it from my son’s POV, it might sound like this:

"Dad is trying to stop me from having fun, and I do not like that at all." 

— Ouch! That was not the intention…

In his eyes, I was telling him to stop having fun, and so, of course, ignoring my message was the best thing he did. I would ignore my message, too. If I was having fun playing a game and someone came to me and said, "Hey, stop doing that!!" 

Me — F* you why? 

That is a bit extreme, but why would you stop having fun because someone told you to stop? 

(As long as it is safe and it is not hurting anyone)

Time to be creative 

I needed a different approach to the situation or any future situation. I had to find a way for him to continue having fun. I asked myself, “How can I get creative?“ I had an “Ah Ha” moment. I need to redirect his fun the next time he throws water overboard, including toys, bubbles, and baby soap. 

Redirecting his fun doesn't mean he should stop playing or bath time is over. 

It means showing him that there is a better way. Instead of throwing everything overboard, it means throwing it toward the wall, including water. Well, this only works if you have a tub surrounded by walls or a couple of walls. 

— You might need another creative solution if you have a fancy tube in the middle of a room. 

By redirecting his fun, I have created boundaries for throwing things. This allows him to continue to exercise his independence and gives me a dry floor and less water damage. 

It will not work the first time, the second, or the third…, especially if your little one is incredibly stubborn. However, like anything in life, it will take time to get there. Be patient, and eventually, things will come around.

I believe that redirection can be applied safely to almost any situation.

Why we discipline

The first thought that comes to mind is that we are trying to keep our kids alive. There are dangerous obstacles in our homes. It can be an electric socket, stove, or even the corner edge of a table.

When our little ones are off exploring, guiding them through the chaos is essential. 

That is why we come up with rules like: 

• Don't touch that, 

• Don't do that, 

• Don't climb that, 

• Don't jump off of that. 

As crucial as these rules are, we must consider how our little ones can understand these rules. 

The importance of a routine:

You probably do not realize this, but you already provide some guidelines, rules, or boundaries—the infamous nighttime routine. 

You have provided a set of rules your little one must follow before bedtime. Without knowing it, your little one is going through the motions. Sooner or later, they will remind you that you missed a step. 

Routines are a great way to set expectations, limits, or rules without them knowing about it. 

And how did you do this? Every parent is different, but many of us used pictures, acted it out, or even Miss Racheal to help along the way. 

The framework for wanted behavior

It begins with you! When you see the behavior going south, use the current situation to redirect the energy. The following has helped me better convey my message to my toddler.

• Self-awareness

• Observe their behavior

• Plan your next move

• Execute the redirection

• Encourage the new outcome

• Repeat until you have the expected behavior

(Remember, it is best to implement discipline during the unwanted act.)

Self-awareness

Take time to regroup.

Pause and look beyond the situation. Pretend you are looking at this from a different perspective. 

You are watching a YouTube video of the problem that is about to unfold.

Or You are watching a movie, and in the scene, it is you and your little one. Your toddler starts to do something that you do not like.

Now, think about how you would typically react to this situation. Does that align with what you are trying to achieve? 

Figure out how you can think about the situation objectively. Take the emotion out of it. Try and do away with anger, frustration, or annoyance. In some cases, the problem may not be a big deal.  

Take a deep breath or count to five to absorb all this information. 

Observe their behavior

Study your little one's body language. Ask yourself, "Is my child having fun, upset, or smiling?" 

• What is your little one actually doing?

• Are they hurting someone?

• Are they trying to jump off the couch?

• Are they climbing up something unsafe?

• Are they reaching for something dangerous?

Whatever the situation, you will need to understand their goal. They are most likely trying to do something they have never done before, which could be fun. It is all about their curiosity and exploration that is causing the situation.

Plan your next move

What you do next will depend on the information you gathered from the previous steps. Well, the one thing you won't do is get upset. Or at least try not to.

Quickly see if there is something similar they can do safely. In any situation, always narrate what is happening and what will happen. They pick up on everything if you have not noticed it by now.

Execute the redirection

Next, follow through with what you perceive as safe for your little one. It can vary depending on what your little one is capable of. For example, in my situation, I asked my son to throw the water in a different direction. 

Repeat until you have the expected behavior.

Your little one may get upset at first or go into a full-blown tantrum. However, over time, they will cooperate. 

Rinse and repeat the framework till you see the difference.

The wrap-up:

Preventing bad behavior without a solid plan will be a disaster. It will lead to tantrums or repeat an unwanted cycle of parenting. Try the framework next time you come across unwanted behavior. 

How do our little ones know it is bad behavior if they want to explore their environment? It is a complicated concept for them to understand at an early age. We must be empathetic, patient, diligent, and consistent in approaching these situations.

Dad joke of the week:

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, making hay while the sun shined.

If you find this helpful, forward it to other parents.

Reference:

Ehmke, Rachel. "How to Discipline Toddlers." Child Mind Institute, 23 Nov. 2023, childmind.org/article/how-discipline-toddlers/. Accessed 20 Feb. 2024.T

Disclaimer
_{Always check with your partner and pediatrician before implementing any new practices involving your children. The information provided is meant for educational purposes. Please do your own research as I have provided my own thoughts, experience, and perspectives on the matter at hand.}