I thought my childhood dream was to become a superstar soccer player.

I started playing at around four years old. Not knowing what to do — I ran around the field as most would at that age. I played for several years. In some cases, I played in two separate teams. As the years passed, I could not understand why my dream had become a nightmare.

I became bored, bothered, and upset at soccer spoken in my household. I wanted to know where this was coming from. I was too young to connect the dots. After all, this was supposed to be my childhood dream. These feelings intensified as I grew up. Eventually, I quit the sport at around 9 or 10 years old.

I had a burning question with no answer: why am I quitting my dream?

Passing down my childhood dream to my son

Ironically, life has a funny way of presenting us with mirrors of our past. I found myself entertaining a similar dream for my unborn son. I considered how he could be a superstar athlete during my wife's pregnancy. He can become a soccer, basketball, tennis, or baseball player. Anything in athletics could grant him a free ride to college.

— Yes, I was already planning that far ahead. I saw a success story. I wanted my son to be happy and successful.

After all, if our kids success, did we not just win at parenting?

A few months after my son's second birthday, my wife and I decided to have him try soccer. We took him to soccer practice for 2-3 year olds.

Funny enough, I was taken back to my days of playing soccer. I was so excited to see my son kick the ball around. I could see him now. He is wearing a uniform and lacing up his soccer cleats. I imagined him getting ready to play the game. I was filled with anticipation for his first soccer practice.

— Annnnnnd He immediately sprinted to the playground across the field. (giant sigh). On the bright side, it was perfect timing because he had time to play before the training session started. Once the class began, we took him to participate with the other toddlers.

He ran around and kicked the ball a few times. He was laughing, running, jumping, and having the greatest time! — buuuut After about 15 minutes, he was over the soccer practice. So he sprinted towards the playground again! We were initially frustrated because we wanted to introduce a new activity. (What a roller-coaster of emotions.)

I thought, "Well, there goes soccer season." It could be that it is too early for him. Or, he needs more development. I made excuses in my head to avoid my disappointment and frustration.

All that quickly melted away when I saw him climbing the stairs and screaming with laughter as he came down the slide.

— I will return to my soccer situation with my son, but first, I will take a little detour. Don’t worry about this detour, as it will help get my point across.

Are you raising a Superstar?

Let's talk about this for a second. What does it take to raise a superstar?

It takes a lot of energy, determination, grit, patience, and courage. Your presence is required at every practice, game, side tournament, and season training session. Don’t forget this does not include regular school activities.

It will take a master planner to achieve all of this. I applaud parents who are in the thick of it. — So why is this such a bad thing? As parents, should we not allow our children to give their best and improve at the sport of choice? Should we not make sacrifices to get them to the next level?

Well, I can only answer these questions with another question.

If your child quits cold turkey one day, will you be upset or unconditionally accept their choice?

Well, for most, the answer might be that you will be upset.

You might get upset because your child will ruin their chance to be a great athlete. Or because you spent so much time becoming a "master planner?" Or because you "love them." Or they are just being “lazy.”

If not careful, being a parent of a superstar athlete is something you can start identifying as. Once your child quits, it can be very infuriating and triggering.

"I" want my child to be great.

"I" want my child to succeed.

"I" want my child to win. "I." "I." "I." "I." "I."...

The ego

That "I" talk is all about your inner ego. In this situation, the "ego" is responsible for much frustration, anger, and irritation. "I did xyz for you. Therefore, you need to do your part."

What is the ego?

Think of your ego as the driver of a car on the road of life. This driver is you, sitting behind the wheel. It makes decisions at every turn. The road is the world around you. The road has signs and signals, and the scenery constantly changes as you move through it.

Unknowingly, your ego analyzes everything throughout the journey, deciding when to speed up, slow down, take a detour, or stop for a break. It has a photographic memory and remembers the routes you've taken before, evaluates the best path to take next, and plans your journey accordingly. It makes decisions to keep you safe.

Just like you drive through traffic, weather conditions, and unknown roads. The ego will navigate your world's physical and social aspects, steering you toward your goals and dreams with awareness and adaptability.

The ego brings judgment, resentment, pride, power, and ignorance...

The "I want this," "I need that," "I need love," "I need enjoyment," I need protection."

It is all about what is best for me at this point in my life based on previous experiences.

Understanding the ego opened my eyes to what happened to me with soccer as a child and what I wanted for my son.

— Annnnd we are back to my soccer situation. I hope the rest makes sense.

Change in mindset

Looking back, I realize the dream of becoming a soccer player was not mine. It was my dad's. His ego got in the way of letting me be my true self. I did not know this at the time. All I saw was that my favorite person was happy, prideful, and excited every time I stepped onto the field.

So, unknowingly, I lost myself in a false identity. That is why, over time, it became boring to me. I woke up and realized I was living someone else's dream.

I don't blame my dad for doing this. Soccer is part of my culture. So, we were repeating the cycle of passing on the soccer tradition that most dads go through in our community. I am 100% sure my grandpa wanted the same for my dad. He wanted a superstar soccer player. It was a vicious cycle. I did not want my son to go through what I went through.

The good news is that I now realize I was about to project the same dream onto my son. I did not see this at first. I had to meditate on what happened and what had to change.

We sometimes are in a rush to everything. For most of us, it is rare to take a moment to reflect on our decisions and goals.

In meditation, I found that my son is far more important than what I want for him. I saw that deciding what sport he should play would do more harm than good. It was all my ego.

Here is what I used to help me see past my ego.

• Meditation

• Different perspectives

• Long walks

• Resolution

Meditation

All you need is 5 to 10 minutes of quiet time—more would be ideal. Many YouTube videos have guided meditation if you are struggling to meditate. Meditate on how you were parented and whether that was right or wrong, specifically anything related to this topic. I warn you, it may be a painful process.

• What did you feel?

• What can you learn?

• How can you change your way of thinking?

Write these down and use them to help see things differently.

Different perspectives

Put yourself in your children's shoes. Ask these questions:

• Are they enjoying life with the new activity?

• Does it promote their true self?

• Is it about me or my child?

• What would I feel if my child quit the new activity today?

Make a list of pros and cons. See if anything in there came from your ego.

It is about accepting who our children want to become and guiding them through that process.

Long walks

Long walks can help your mind process everything you put into work. They can also help you analyze what you meditated on and list your pros and cons.

If a long walk is beneficial, even if it is the only possibility. It will allow you some clarity to think outside of your home, away from your partner and child.

Resolution

Resolution may not happen overnight. I did not figure this out on my first attempt. It is okay if nothing happens the first time around. You have to start somewhere. After considering everything, I realized my "ego" was getting in the way.

It is why I got upset that my son did not want to join in on soccer practice. I want him to play soccer. I want to see him have fun playing the game. I want to cheer him on. These are all egocentric statements.

I realized that letting my son be himself and accepting him for who he is was the best I could do.

The wrap-up

Be careful getting caught up in the whirlwind of becoming a parent to a superstar. It can lead to many frustrations and disappointment. It is never about us. We should consider if our children want to continue their journey to a superstar level. Let them know that it is okay to quit at any time.

Give children options if they don't want to continue. Tell them to give it another month or two and see if your child still feels the same way. Our children should not be living out our dreams. They should be free to make their dreams a reality.

The day my son chose the playground over soccer taught me a valuable lesson. It's not about forcing a moment to happen. It's about living in it and being present to enjoy your children's authentic selves.

Joke of the week

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts for it, always rattling out of confrontations.

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Disclaimer
_{Always check with your partner and pediatrician before implementing any new practices involving your children. The information provided is meant for educational purposes. Please do your own research, as I have provided my own thoughts, experience, and perspectives on the matter at hand.}