Let’s start with a special moment.

Reading time: ~5 minutes

The other day, my niece had a negative encounter with another child. The child displayed typical mean girl behavior, trying to limit my niece’s progress and potential.

Storytime

My niece is about nine years old. She is incredibly caring, thoughtful, and sensitive and likes to help others. She loves to style her hair into two ponytails. (Her mom says she won't have it any other way). She aims to be a straight-A student, and why not? She is super smart. She used to be a bit shy but has come a long way. What helped her was her love for soccer. 

She started playing around five years old. I can recall my first time seeing her practice. The grass smelled like fresh cut grass, and the field was as green as possible. (It was surprising because it was a local park.) They used small soccer balls for their age group and, of course, tiny goal nets. My niece feared the ball but still ran with the other children.

She would go in a different direction whenever the ball came to her. But you can hear us in the background, "Kick the ball, Kick the ball, kick the baaaalllll!!!!"

Oh well, the whole point is that she got out there and tried.  

Every year, she asked to play. And every year, she got better and better.

It took very little time, and she was no longer afraid of the ball. Eventually, she was getting so good that she became the top scorer on her team.

Her fear of the ball became her best friend. With it, she gained new friends, skills, and volunteering opportunities. She began practicing not only with her team but also with other coaches. Her dedication was remarkable. 

She started to get recognized and invited to play for other teams. She also participated in different tournaments and helped her team win first place.

When it came time to decide to move up in her age group class, the girls at the next level were well-coached and moved a lot faster. Everything they did at this level was better: passing, kicking, speed, and communication were all spot on. 

She had the option to practice with the team one level above her current team. 

At first, she questioned herself about whether she was good enough. With encouraging parents by her side, she was able to push forward. She was up to the challenge to try something new.

She was excited about playing at the next level. It is a huge opportunity. They agreed to a practice to see if she was qualified to advance.

Moving up also meant that she would not play with her friends and would be alone in the field. 

Still, she pushed on...

The day came when she had to practice with the new team. Of course, she was nervous about meeting new people and coaches and did not know what to expect. 

The drills were slightly different, but she managed to get through them. Although this was not her best practice compared to her previous ones, the coaches saw something great in her and invited her back for more trials.

However, there was a slight issue. 

On the ride home, she was very quiet. You could hear the traffic noise outside. 

Whereas before, there would be lots of laughter, conversations, and sometimes singing.

Once they got home, my niece pulled her dad into her room to talk.

She said, "Daddy, one of the girls was mean to me." With her head down and a soft voice, she said, "I tried not to listen, but it bothered me."

Her dad said, "What happened? I noticed you were quiet in the car, but I thought you were exhausted"

She said, "One of the girls came up to me" and said, "You do not belong here."You belong with them" (the lower level group). 

She was devastated. She thought she was doing so well.  

The mean girl continued her comments throughout practice, "Why are you here? You don't belong with us."

This is why she did not do as well as she could. She had a hater on the team.

My niece mentioned that it really affected her to the point that she did not even try to move up. 

"Is that everything," my brother-in-law replied.

"Yes"...

He said, "Unfortunately, there are negative people in this world, but there are more good people... So focus on all the good people and make friends with them. Avoid all the bad people."

This is sage advice, in my opinion. As much wisdom as we may have, we must figure out how to distill the information so our children can understand.

So, my niece took her dad's advice and started making friends with other girls who were not mean. Eventually, she had a couple of friends. Then, to her surprise, some of her friends from the beginner level got better and moved up as well.

Now, most of her new team was her friend. And that mean girl who would try to ruin my niece's day was no longer a problem.

She regained her confidence and played with grit. Once again, she became the top scorer on her team.

The lessons I learned

I am telling this story because being put down is like being put in a box. This box represents our limitations. The "mean girl" was trying to put my niece in a box called "beginner level." Luckily, my niece was no beginner, and she could break out of the box with encouraging words from her dad. 

When someone says, "You cannot do that. Are you crazy?" If you believe them, you will not succeed. You believe in your limitations, and you form a box.  

It has taught me three things.

One 

I should not impose any limitations on my son. I need to let him run as far as he can (as long as it is safe). I need to let him be as creative as possible. Any label I put on him will only cause limitations. 

Two

I need to teach him that no one should limit your potential. If you want to dream big, let's figure out how we can achieve that dream. 

The moment I say, "That is a crazy dream." I am putting my son in a box and limiting his potential. 

Just like the mean girl tried to put my niece back in the beginner's box, my son will face similar situations. I need to prepare for these.

Third

We can understand concepts at an adult level, but I struggle to bring these concepts down to the level of a 5-year-old or even a toddler.

If we are trying to explain something and the message is not getting through, please do not get upset or annoyed that your little one is not understanding. We may need to use a different approach.

When I try to explain something to my toddler, I will use pictures, music, and play.  

Dad joke of the week

Something to think about

Thank you for reading the newsletter. Please forward it to others if you found it entertaining or learned something.

— Aurelio

Disclaimer
_{Always check with your partner and pediatrician before implementing any new practices involving your children. The information provided is meant for educational purposes. Please do your research, as I have provided my thoughts, experience, and perspectives on the matter at hand.}