Navigating the Second Month of Fatherhood

Welcome back, Dads! You've survived the first month of fatherhood, which means you're officially a pro at diaper changes and have mastered at least three different ways to hold a baby without triggering a meltdown. Let's dive into the second month when the adventure begins.

Baby Milestones: What to Expect

Weeks #5–9

Social Smiles: Get ready for your heart to melt. Your little one might start flashing you those gummy grins. It's not gas this time; it's a real smile!

If you're keeping track in a journal or book, note it. But the most important thing to do is to stay in the moment! Cataloging every part of your Tiny Overlord's life will be your gut reaction. Instead, force yourself to stay put, drop your phone, and feel that warm fuzzy feeling that comes with the baby's first smile.

If Mom is around, make sure to enjoy it together.

Sound Recognition: Your baby is starting to recognize voices, especially yours and Mom's. So, keep talking, singing, and reading to your baby—even if your singing sounds like a cat in distress.

The Lil' Nugget eyes won't focus yet, so they won't be able to see what you look like, but unless born with a hearing impairment, your baby's ears are working well. One of the best things in the world is seeing and having them understand that you are Dad and Dad means love. 

Sleep Patterns: Still a bit chaotic, but you might notice longer sleep stretches at night. Celebrate the small victories!

This is where things get more difficult. Your baby is going to cry. They learn very quickly that when they cry, their needs are met (hungry, poopy, sleepy all fixed if I cry and Dad or Mom comes running). But in the instance of sleeping, crying is okay. Let them self-soothe. Let them learn how to fall asleep without you. It's the hardest thing you've had to do up until now, but a well-rested parent is a better parent. 

Speaking of crying… that screechy thing hasn't happened yet. Don't worry, it's coming. 

Discovery Time: Your baby is discovering their hands and feet, which is pretty much the baby equivalent of finding treasure.

This is a great time to start talking to them about colors, pointing to their nose, lips, and cheeks, and labeling them for Tiny Overlord. They won't begin to label them right away, but it will get them more familiar with hearing the words.  

Postpartum Depression: The Unseen Battle

Understanding the Signs: Postpartum depression (PPD) is a sneaky foe. It's more than just feeling down. Look out for signs like severe mood swings, excessive crying (from mom, not the baby), withdrawal from family and friends, and overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy.

Mom knows something is wrong, that something is 'off,' but she may be unable to voice her concerns, or maybe she's scared of what it means. There are 1000 different reasons for her not to mention it; at least, that's what her mind tells her. Make sure your space is safe, and let her know she can talk with you about anything. 

If she's still resistant to the idea, be sensitive about it. It's a tricky situation. Having Mom know she has support from many different arms is a good thing, but forcing her when she's in a vulnerable space is never the answer. 

Hormonal Changes: After childbirth, hormones drop rapidly, which can significantly affect mood.

Hormones make everyone's bodies work. If they flow as they are supposed to—which they rarely do—then you are a happy, carefree individual who may work a little robotically. 

These chemicals can be fixed; it just takes some time. 

But, when it drops suddenly, like after childbirth. It can be a blunt whack to Mom's entire system, which leaves her vulnerable in ways you and she have probably never experienced before. 

Comfort, empathy, and kindness will help you through this time. 

Physical Recovery: The physical recovery from childbirth can be painful and exhausting, impacting her overall well-being.

Pregnancy does all kinds of weird things to a woman's body (did you check out the organ thing yet? I strongly suggest that you do). And, while you and Mom can prepare all you want before labor, unexpected things will still pop up. 

Emotional Rollercoaster: She might experience a wide range of emotions, from joy to anxiety, and even sadness.

There are days, even weeks, when these emotions will fall on you. It may get daunting sometimes, but try your best to remember that it's not a personal war against you. She's fighting her own body and recovery process. 

If you feel that things have gotten out of hand, because your feelings matter here, too, talk to her about it and gently suggest other alternatives. 

Sleep Deprivation: Lack of sleep can exacerbate stress and emotional strain.

It's essential to tag team some sleeping duties. Rested parents are better parents!

Identity Shift: Adjusting to the role of a mother can be challenging and may lead to feelings of losing her previous identity.

This is a big one. Mom is no longer just a woman who works, sees her friends, and does hobbies. 

She's a Mom. Just like you're a Dad. The moment your Tiny Overlord was conceived, your lives changed forever. Now, there's going to be an adjustment period. This may even come with mourning her old life. You may wind up mourning 'the old ways' also.  

If that happens, that doesn't mean she or you aren't happy with your new life. It just means an old season of your identity has passed away and a new one is taking shape.

Need for Support: She may feel overwhelmed with caregiving responsibilities and crave emotional and practical support.

Hugs and words of love will be a stellar tool to pull out. If you're not good at expressing your emotions, just saying, "You're doing a good job," will be enough. 

Dad's Role:

1. Be the Lookout.

2. Encourage open conversations about feelings and mental health. If you suspect PPD, gently suggest seeking professional help.

3. Remember, it's a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help.

Taking on as many tasks with Lil' Peanut as possible will be helpful. If Mom wants to 'do it all,' remind her that your role in the baby's life is important, too, and that you want to be part of it as much as you can. Do this with care and love, even when your emotions are frazzled.

And if, for some reason, the conversation gets heated, return to it when you are cooled down enough to take on another round of the conversation in a different way. 

There may be a chance that she's fearful of not connecting with the baby, and assuring her that she is and that it takes time can help alleviate the stress of being the best mom when, really, she only has to be herself and things will work out for all of you. 

Empathy is Key: Your partner might be riding the postpartum emotional rollercoaster. Be there for support, understanding, and lots of hugs.

Use kind, motivating words that let her know she's doing a great job and that everything she's experiencing is normal. 

Support System: Be her pillar. Help with the baby, take over household chores, or listen. Sometimes, a listening ear is the most powerful tool in your dad's arsenal.

You're going to have your moments, too. Regroup and come back when you're feeling solid. Make sure to leave your ego at the door. There's no room for ego in a parenting partnership. 

How Dad Can Help: Beyond Diaper Duty

Feeding Time: Whether it's bottle-feeding or bringing the baby to mom for breastfeeding, take an active role. It's also a great time for bonding—just you and the baby, staring into each other's eyes, wondering who will fall asleep first.

Baby Entertainment: Babies start to become more alert and curious. Be the master entertainer with funny faces, gentle tickles, and engaging toys. Who knew that making silly sounds would become a key part of your skill set?

Night Shifts: If possible, take on some night feedings or soothing sessions. It gives mom a chance to catch up on sleep and you some quiet time with the little one (and maybe some late-night TV).

Remember, You're a Team! Parenting is a tag team sport. Keep the communication lines open with your partner. Share your feelings, fears, and joys. It's okay not to have all the answers. Sometimes, just being there, ready to tackle the next poopy diaper or midnight cry, is enough.

Dad Joke of the Week

Why did the new dad bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house. 

As you enter the second month of fatherhood, remember you're doing great. Each day brings new challenges and incredible moments that make it all worthwhile. Keep your sense of humor, your heart full of love, and maybe a spare shirt handy—spit-ups and shits happen!

Here is an excellent article for further reading to help your partner with postpartum A Partner's Guide to Life After Childbirth

Here's to another month of incredible moments!

If you find this helpful, don't forget to share this with other dads.

Disclaimer
_{Always check with your partner and or pediatrician before implementing any new practices that involve your children. The information provided is meant for educational purposes. Please do your own research as I have provided my own thoughts, experience, and perspectives on the matter at hand.}