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- Navigating the Fifth Month of Fatherhood
Hello, Seasoned Dads! As we cruise into month five, let's tackle a topic hotter than a teething ring in a microwave: daycare. Plus, we'll check in on your mental gym routine and baby's latest party tricks.
Weeks #21—25
Let me preface this by saying that if your baby isn't doing what they are "supposed" to do by the monthly benchmark, don't panic. Babies all develop differently. They are all made up of different DNA, aren't they?
Everyone, including your mother, father, neighbor, and aunt, will tell you what should be happening and ask, "What did the doctor say about that?"
You have two options:
You can shut it down politely and say you won't worry about it unless you and Mom agree it's time to take other action.
Or, you can let them talk and know that nothing is wrong and that Tiny Overlord will do what they want in their own time.
Check with your doctor or trusted parenting group if you have concerns. (Nothing good will come from looking things up through a search engine. Try as they might to be as objective as possible. Most of the time, you'll find more things to fear than a sense of relief.
The baby milestones are the average age of what babies are doing, not the mandated version. More likely than not, the Lil' Peanut is going to do things in their own time.
Baby’s Circus Act
Master of Movement: Expect more rolling and even mini-pushups. You've got a future gymnast or a very determined escape artist.
Movement is a double-edged sword. It means your time for sitting and watching is through. You'll walk through the house hunched over while they flip and roll everywhere.
Remember when they were stationary and would just smile? Yes, those were quieter times.
But think of all the beautiful things that are coming up!
Crawling, walking, talking, and so much more.
The need to eagle-eye your child's stage lasts a few years but won't last forever. Trust yourself to know that once they get moving, you'll quickly figure out how to keep them safe.
The Babble Rhapsody: Your baby is now a chatty Cathy (or Charlie), so brace yourself for some adorable monologues.
Use lots of "uh-huh's" and "yeah's" and "what else happened?" to encourage your Lil' nugget to keep going. You don't have to know what they are saying because they do!
Dad's Mind Gym
Ignoring stress is not good for anyone in your tiny pod.
The interesting thing about being human is that if you tackle things head-on, finding workarounds and figuring out how to help yourself (which helps everyone in your world) is easy.
But, if you don't tackle the issues, try to stuff them down, or ignore them, thinking they will go away, it doesn't! It piles on other things you may be annoyed about, and soon, you have layers the size of a human-shaped onion.
But, instead of the onion sticking together, the more layers you stuff into yourself, the more you find that you'll be exploding for smaller and smaller things.
Sometimes, you'll lash out at your partner or the wee babe.
So, focus on your stress and figure out how to manage it.
It won't go away no matter how much you ignore it.
Spotter Needed: Share your feelings with your partner or fellow dads. Sometimes, just venting about diaper disasters can be incredibly liberating.
Talking about the challenges of parenting is an important part of being a parent. It helps you realize that everyone is going through the same things.
Plus, you'll hear some funny stories about mistakes your friends have made and learn how to do things differently if the same situation comes up in your neck of the woods, and the other parents can learn from the things you do.
Speaking with your partner can be good as well. If you don't say anything, you won't know or hear that they are there for you, and you might be acting out against them without even realizing it. Sometimes, it's hard to pinpoint where the stress comes from when things get stressful.
Talking about your frustrations, stress, and tension will help you suss out the culprit, and you'll have a weight lifted from your chest when that happens.
The Daycare Decision
Everyone wants to be there for their child at all times.
It comes with the territory of parenting.
If you choose daycare, it's for a reason. It doesn't make you less of a parent.
If you keep your child with one caregiver, that's great too.
If you're lucky enough to have grandparents who will be able to help out, that's amazing!
But none of that changes how much you love your child.
The decision to use daycare is a tricky one that saps away a lot of your money and will break your heart in several ways. But on the flip side, if you don't use daycare or preschool, you may always wonder if you socialized your child properly or not.
There are no wrong answers. Sometimes, you have to make a choice and see if it feels right for you.
If it doesn't, pivot.
There's nothing wrong with changing your mind, either.
To Daycare or Not to Daycare: It's a big question. Research suggests prolonged daycare can stress the little ones and impact their development, especially in the first three years. It's crucial to understand these potential impacts on your child's well-being.
Quality Over Quantity:
If daycare is a must, prioritize the quality of care.
Look for facilities with a low child-to-caregiver ratio, ensuring more personalized attention.
Observe the caregivers' interactions with children—warmth and responsiveness are key indicators of quality care.
Visit and Revisit: Before deciding, visit multiple daycare centers. Talk to the staff, observe their routines, and get a feel for the environment. Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
Home Environment: Consider how the daycare's environment and values align with your home life. Consistency between home and daycare is important for your child's sense of security and well-being.
Flexibility and Proximity: Look for a daycare that offers flexibility in hours and is conveniently located. This reduces the stress of drop-offs and pick-ups and allows for quick access in case of emergencies.
Backup Plan: Always have a backup care plan. Unexpected situations can arise, whether it's a family member, a trusted babysitter, or another daycare.
The Attachment Factor: Remember, you and your partner are the rock stars in your baby's world. Ensure you're still the primary source of love and comfort, no matter the childcare situation.
Check Your Wallet: Daycare employees are highly undervalued and sometimes overworked. That being said, daycare is not cheap.
Ask yourself this:
Are you working to pay daycare bills? Daycare is expensive, and again, sometimes it's a necessity. But, if you're working and most of your paychecks will pay for daycare, it may be time to try a different option.
Pro Tips
Rolling Alert: Baby-proof like it's an Olympic sport. If it's at baby level, it's fair game.
Babble Back: Talk to your baby. It's great for their language development. Plus you might get your first "dad" or something close to it.
Daycare Homework: Do your research. Visit, ask questions, and trust your gut.
This Week’s Dad Joke:
Why did the dad bring a ladder to the nursery?
Because the baby was up all night, and he heard that's where the stars are!
As you navigate the daycare dilemma, remember you're doing an incredible job. Here’s to another month of sleepless nights, endless joys, and being the superhero in tiny human eyes!
Further reading: Daycare: food for thought
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