I held my son for the first time, so many thoughts rushed through my mind. It happens to all of us. The main thought was to protect this little human at all costs. — I believe that is called "Dad Mode Activated.”

Dad mode will stay with us as our little ones grow older. We need to be aware of how much protection we deliver when they reach the age of toddlers.

If not, we risk over-protection or becoming one of those so-called "helicopter parents." I know we come up with every excuse for why this is a good idea because I went down that road. I did not realize I was causing more harm than good.

In 7-minutes or less, I cover:

• How I kicked the “helicopter parent“ mentality to the curb.

• Exposing children to challenges is important.

• Real-world experiences will be the best teacher.

Dr. Jordan Peterson says it best:

If we put our children in a bubble, we risk the opportunity for exponential developmental growth from natural life experiences. I have to admit that I fell into this trap of overprotection.

At the age of 16 months, my son started to walk. I was still determining if that was good or bad as I saw other young children walking much earlier. Or they had great balance by the time my son was walking.

So, out of curiosity, I did what any parent would do — I did a Google search. Some research says 12 months is the average. Some say it's as late as 18 months. Of course, many factors can change that average.

And it will be different for everyone. I am no doctor, but let's say the average was between 12 and 18 months when our little ones should start walking.

I suppose my son was on the top end of the average. 

(Hitting a specific walking milestone is not what I am trying to explore here. It is more about what you lose when using a walker.)

I will go through this logically to understand why it was great for us.

1. It allowed my son to zoom around the room and was fun to watch. (Lots of great footage for grandma and grandpa)

2. It allowed him to reach places he could not by crawling.

3. It gave us another game to play by chasing each other around.

4. Selfishly, It gave us a break…

Although socially deemed an excellent way for your little one to get around, it has become a problem.

I believe the Walker allowed my son to start walking artificially before fully developing his natural mobility muscles and balance. 

It became evident that using a walker was not the best way for my son to start walking. He started asking to be put in the Walker.

The Walker created a false sense of protection where he would bump into things without getting hurt. 

I asked myself, “Why do we even have these?”

My wife and I devised a plan to deal with the situation.

We started limiting the time he used the Walker and slowly removed it altogether.

Now, without a Walker, my son has to learn to stand up independently. It required building new muscles he did not use while in the Walker.

• He needed to struggle.

• He needed to get frustrated.

• He needed to learn and adapt.

Just like an adult wants to build muscles, it comes with plenty of struggle, effort, discipline, and dedication.

My son was now exploring the various struggles of getting up off the ground. It taught him to try new ways because, at this point, I was not helping him. He would try to go for the couch, a pillow, a toy, or anything he could use to help stand up.

It was not easy for him at first. Of course, he fell many times. And it was okay because he continued learning and experimenting. 

Again, if we had helped him, it would not have allowed him to fix and work on his balance. Or explore new ways of trying things. We guided where we could, but he had to do the rest. I believe this approach exploded his mobile development. 

Eventually, he could get up independently and use the couch to walk alongside it.

As he improved at walking and balancing, we realized we were limiting him by using a Walker. — To be honest, we thought it would help him walk.

The Walker was his crutch, preventing my son from getting the exposure he needed in his environment to learn to walk naturally. 

Problem-solving and critical thinking:

If my son wants to climb the stairs at the park playground, I will guide him and show him how he can do it. — I won't help him up the stairs. That may sound harsh, but he needs to learn that he can succeed without Mom or Dad.

He begins to try several times and attempts it in different ways. He tries standing and holding on to the rails. That did not work because he couldn't hold his grip. He tried crawling, and that worked for a bit.

He stopped halfway and did not know what to do. I said, "Just a little more. You can do it. I will meet you at the top." That gave him the courage to continue, and he continued crawling to the top. 

He was so happy that he managed to get up the stairs.

Yes, I could have helped him up the stairs by holding his hand. And Yes, that would have been the easiest approach. However, letting him assess the situation and figure out a way through trial and error helped him how to navigate up the stairs.

My son now had the skill set to climb the stairs independently. I was proud of two things and scared of another.

1. My son made it up the stairs on his own

2. I was able to avoid the "helicopter parent" mentality

3. Although proud, I was also scared he could climb the stairs alone.

Changing the helicopter parent mindset

Continuing the helicopter parent route will limit my son's problem-solving and critical-thinking skills.

It's mostly about you! Not your child.

Alter your mindset. We want to protect our kids at all costs, but sometimes, we must scale back.

We don't want to limit our little ones' exploration of the world by putting them in a bubble. Here is what has helped me change that mindset.

1) Embrace and encourage curiosity

2) Fostering Resilience

3) Teaching Through Experience

Embrace and encourage curiosity

You are your child's favorite person! They will look up to you and listen even when not listening. They mimic you at times. Become the coach of curiosity. Take them everywhere you go to that is safe for them. Take them to the park so they can dig in the sand and explore all the textures from twigs, dirt, sand, and grass.

(As long as it is not anything dangerous)

Let them fall, let them play, let them climb, let them run as far as they can, let them scream, let them dance, let them sing, and encourage all of these things.

Let them explore their curiosity.

Allow your child to face the world's realities rather than shielding them from every potential harm. True strength comes from experience and overcoming adversity.

They will learn exponentially.

Fostering resilience

How can your little one gain the ability to bounce back?

Your child will face challenges or tough situations. Letting them overcome these life experiences early on will help them develop the ability to move forward.

It can be as simple as them falling, crying, and coping with their emotions while letting them know everything is okay. Sooner or later, your little one will adapt and not make a big fuss about it next time this happens.

They may say “ouch” or sit with the pain. I saw my son bump his head on the table's edge, but instead of crying, he said “ouch.” He rubbed his forehead for some time. Eventually he ran off playing.

In the past, I would run to him, worry, and make sure he was okay. Looking back, I realize my nervous energy did not help the situation. My overreaction caused him to overreact.

Now, I step back and let him manage his emotions. If I notice that he is not doing well, I will reassure him that everything is okay.

Teaching Through Experience

Imagine a toddler playing in a sandbox with their toys. You resist the urge to micromanage playtime constantly:

• "Do it this way, not that way,"

• "Don't get dirty,"

• "Use the shovel this way"

You now allow the child to explore the texture of the sand—experiment with filling and emptying containers. You let them discover the concept of volume and gravity on their own. Give them their safe space for exploration.

Through this experience, your little one learns about cause and effect. — How sand behaves when wet versus dry. Further developing fine motor skills by grasping and manipulating toys and practicing problem-solving — how to build a sandcastle that doesn't collapse.

Most importantly, the child learns these lessons independently, fostering a sense of independence and confidence in their ability to explore and understand the world.

The wrap-up

It's natural for parents to want to protect their children from harm. However, it's equally important to avoid over-sheltering them. The helicopter mentality will not prepare them for success in the long run. To become resilient, children must experience some form of agitation, frustration, or stress.

Using the walker as a metaphor for overprotection, we can see that it reduces the natural stressors a child may face.

Instead, encourage their curiosity and help them develop the confidence to manage social situations independently. Every family has a unique approach, so it's worth considering a different perspective.

I leave you with some food for thought:

Weekly dad joke

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!

If you find this helpful, please share this article with other parents. 

Disclaimer
_{Always check with your partner and or pediatrician before implementing any new practices that involve your children. The information provided is meant for educational purposes. Please do your own research as I have provided my own thoughts, experience, and perspectives on the matter at hand.}